I suffer from anxiety and I believe I'm beginning to suffer from depression as well. I dont know what my body is doing, I dont understand what's going on and it's bothering me. Not knowing is causing me anxiety and my anxiety causes me to feel depressed due to everything I've missed out on during my life because of my struggles.
I just want to be fixed. Nothing wrong anymore. No more not doing something because I always think of the consiquences. No more stopping my siblings from living their own lives because Im scared they'll get hurt. Im 18 and Im only now realising how fucked up I am... It sucks, because I feel like I wasted my childhood on worrying, and now it's gone forever. I need to make up for it... I'll figure it out.
I have a therapist now, finally. He's really nice and I'm positive he'll help me on my road to recovery. We only had one session so far and he already knows about my abandoment/rejection issues, my need to care and protect people though Im the child and victim in the situation.
I felt like I grew up too fast because of it... I never had the chance to not panic and it bothers me a lot. I was never "care free" or a "dare devil" child. I physically cant even go a day without appologizing for something I shouldnt be sorry for. Im just so scared of being alone, I'll do anything to please people...
Anyway, I'll be on here more cause my therapist wants me to keep a journal and I dont have a book for that yet. Later.
LIME OUT~
